


Your Hollow Truths and Honest Lies

by BloomingMiracle (Luna264), freezingoceans



Series: Miraculous Union [3]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Humor, Truth or Dare, Union AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25903696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luna264/pseuds/BloomingMiracle, https://archiveofourown.org/users/freezingoceans/pseuds/freezingoceans
Summary: “Plagg, you may not care about the law, but I’m a superhero. I can’t go to jail for burglarizing my own house!”“So promise you didn’t,” Plagg said.“I really don’t think they’re going to believe that.”Plagg shrugged. “You’re a smart kid, you’ll figure something out.”“Will I?? Will I really???”--The gang confronts Chat Noir on how he knew certain things about the Agreste manor. Later, a "definitely unrelated" group of civilians plays Truth or Dare.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste & Chloé Bourgeois & Alya Césaire & Marinette Dupain-Cheng & Nino Lahiffe, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe
Series: Miraculous Union [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1709017
Comments: 29
Kudos: 169





	Your Hollow Truths and Honest Lies

“Plagg, they said it was an original team  _ only _ meeting. What has happened recently that would be only us five?”

“Beats me,” Plagg said. “By all means, most things should be everyone’s business by now.”

He was in a room at the Bourgeois hotel, where he’d been staying since his father’s arrest. The staff there hadn’t even asked about the possibly obscene amount of camembert he’d been feeding Plagg, which was nice.

“Plagg, I think this has to do with Carapace asking me if I needed rent money. I don’t even  _ have  _ a rent yet. I don’t think Chloe is going to let her dad charge me anything,” he said.

“Right, so, you’re fine,” Plagg said.

“But I’m  _ not _ ,” Adrien insisted. “They think I, Chat Noir, was committing burglary in my spare time, and they’re  _ going _ to confront me about it.”

“You’re fine,” Plagg said.

“Plagg, you may not care about the law, but I’m a  _ superhero _ . I can’t go to jail for burglarizing  _ my own _ house!”

“So promise you didn’t,” Plagg said.

“I really don’t think they’re going to believe that.”

Plagg shrugged. “You’re a smart kid, you’ll figure something out.”

“Will I?? Will I  _ really _ ???”

\---

The team sat in a circle on a rooftop, waiting for Chat to arrive. 

“Do you think he picked up on what this was about,” Queen Bee said.

“I think I was subtle enough,” replied Carapace. “I didn’t even bring up the stealing.”

Rena sighed, putting her hand to her face. “That’s not a high bar, babe.”

Ladybug shushed them. “Look, there he is!”

Indeed, there he was. He landed on the roof a few feet away, and walked up casually, although there was definitely some tension in his shoulders.

“Meowdy,” he said. “What’s up?”

“Dude, what the fuck,” said Carapace.

“What, you’ve got a problem with the classics?” Chat grinned, but the corners of his mouth were tight.

“Yes.”

“Now, while ‘Meowdy’ may be disturbing, it’s not what we’re here for,” said Ladybug, gesturing for Chat to join the circle.

“None of you appreciate me,” Chat said, sitting down.

“We  _ do _ appreciate you, which is kinda why we wanted to talk to you,” Rena said.

“Oh, is this a game night? I should have brought Parcheesi.”

Queen Bee stood suddenly. “Are you a cat boy?” she said accusatorially, pointing at Chat.

“Bee,” Carapace said.

“Yes, I am a cat boy,” Chat said. “I feel like that’s the whole point.”

“Burglar,” she corrected. “I meant burglar. I’m stressed.”

“I-- What? How did you- What?” Chat sputtered.

Ladybug took a long, deep breath. “Chaton,” she said. “When we broke into the Agreste manor, you were, like,  _ way _ too good at it. Like, you’d  _ done _ it before. Why?”

“Ah,” he said. “That.”

“Yes. That.”

“If I said telling you would  _ absolutely  _ compromise my identity, would you drop the subject?”

“No one’s been publicly accused of breaking into the Agreste manor,” Rena said, a little confused.

Queen Bee looked around at the group, seemingly coming to a realization. “I brought drinks,” she said quickly, almost desperately. “Who wants juice pouches?”

“I would like a juice. Or maybe like seven, how many did you bring?” asked Chat.

She got up and walked to a roof fixture, dragging a small crate out from behind it. “I got ten flavors,” she said.

“We are  _ wildly _ off topic,” Carapace said.

“Yeah, but  _ juice _ , Carapace. She has free juice.”

“That is true,” Rena said, nodding. “It’s free juice estate.”

“Guys, please. Can we not have one nice, not distracted meeting for once in our lives?” asked Ladybug, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“This meeting hasn’t been nice, it’s been you accusing me of theft,” Chat said.

“Fair point,  _ but  _ you do appear to have done a theft or two.”

“I have not done a single stealing in my entire life,” he protested.

“Have a juice!” Queen Bee shouted, throwing juice pouches at the assembled heroes at full speed.

“Bee, please,” Ladybug said.

“What’s that?” Bee picked up another pouch. “‘Please may I have more juice?’ Of course.” 

“I don’t appreciate being smacked in the face by juice, it’s very rude. Now back to the thievery.”

Chat looked up from his pile of juice pouches, which he was attempting to make into a tower. “This isn’t about that,” he said.

“This is  _ absolutely _ about that,” Ladybug said. “Please. You’re killing me, Chaton. You’re killing your partner.”

“Well we can’t have that. A juice may help you feel better,” he said, offering her a juice pouch.

“You people are  _ my _ age,” she groaned. “Why do I have to  _ babysit _ you?”

“We are comedy geniuses, you just can’t see our brilliance until you’ve had the comedy juice.”

“It’s a regular Capri-Sun,” she said. “I’m  _ trying _ to have a serious discussion here.”

“She’s right,” Carapace said. “We all have our juice, let’s get back on topic.”

“I still haven’t passed out all the juice, though,” Queen Bee said.

“Drink some,” Carapace said. “Now. Chat. Dude. What’s the deal? Be straight with me.”

“Okay,” Chat said, and scooted back. “Straight dudes sit farther apart, right?”

Rena collapsed backwards, cackling.

“I wouldn’t know, and you  _ know _ that’s not what I meant. Like, be honest, what’s goin’ on?”

“Nothing is going on,” Chat said. “Seriously.”

“Somehow I’m not convinced,” said Rena. “You’ve done a whole lot of work to dodge our questions so far.”

“Look,” Bee said. “To be honest, if  _ anyone _ deserved to get robbed, it  _ was _ Gabe.”

“Yes, but Adrien  _ also _ lived there, and we most definitely went in through his window,” Ladybug said.

“Wouldn’t he have said something if any of his stuff went missing, though?” Chat asked. “Like, dropping all pretenses a moment here, Bee  _ does _ know him, civilian-like.”

“Exactly,” Bee said.

“Dude, just tell us why you were breaking into the Agreste manor and we’ll let it go,” Carapace said.

“I wasn’t! I was allowed to be there!”

“This only raises more questions!” Rena exclaimed.

“Well ask away then! I’ve got nothing to hide!”

“Why were you allowed to be in there?” Ladybug asked.

“Plagg needed the  _ cheese _ ,” Chat blurted out. “He  _ only _ eats Camembert. The cheese was a necessity. We had a deal.”

“With who? Gabriel Agreste?!” Carapace shouted.

“With  _ Adrien _ ,” Chat said. “That-- That’s why I was entering through his room. I’m  _ allowed _ to do that.”

“Is  _ that _ how you knew about Hawkmoth?” asked Ladybug. “Because you have some weird cheese arrangement with Adrien?”

“Yes,” Chat said, a little stiffly. “I heard about the Hawkmoth situation during one of my frequent and allowed forays into the Agreste manor.”

“Bro, I- Adrien was out of the house, like, so fast after he found out about his dad, how  _ often  _ were you doing this?”

“That’s not the  _ point _ ,” Chat said.

“You said we could ask questions!” Rena said, pointing at him.

“That one’s not relevant,” Chat insisted.

“I think I can decide what’s relevant and what’s not.”

“Well so can I.” Chat looked around the circle wildly. “You’ve been pretty quiet Queenie, why’s that?”

“Okay, that’s blatant deflection,” Ladybug said.

“Have some juice reward,” Bee said, handing Ladybug some juice. “For display of intellect.”

“This is  _ not _ the time,” Ladybug sighed. “Just tell us the whole story, Chat. Just start at the beginning.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because, that’s why,” Ladybug said.

“That’s an awful reason,” Queen Bee said. “I’m revoking the juice reward.”

“Wh-- No, I’m keeping this juice.”

“Then give us real reasons, or else the juice gets it!”

“Because something is  _ really _ off to me about this whole story, and I’d like to hear it properly so we can fix that,” Ladybug said.

“Okay, fine. I’ll tell you my tale of woe. It all started when I was born-”

“No. No more jokes. Jokes has left the room, everyone say goodbye to jokes,” said Carapace.

“Goodbye to jokes,” Rena and Bee said in unison.

“Great, now it’s serious time. Tell us your story, Chat.”

“Plagg shows up in my room,” Chat said. “Plagg needs Camembert to recharge. I catch Adrien Agreste in a compromising position. Adrien Agreste agrees to give me all the Camembert I need, as long as I stay quiet. There. That’s my tale.”

“You’re  _ blackmailing _ a guy for  _ cheese _ ?” Ladybug demanded.

Queen Bee put her head in her hands. “This is just getting worse,” she muttered.

“Camembert is  _ expensive _ ! I saw an opening and I took it!”

“You  _ do _ realize that this is  _ worse _ than stealing, though, right?” Carapace leaned over to Chat. “Like, you know that? You know that, with your brain?”

“I know  _ nothing _ with my brain,” Chat said.

“And isn’t  _ that _ obvious?” Bee sighed.

“Bee,” Rena said. “Not the time.”

“Listen to him,” Bee said. “This is  _ absolutely _ the time.”

“I don’t know what else to say to make you  _ believe _ me! I’m just a simple fool!”

“Yup,” Bee said. “Drinks his moron juice with breakfast and dinner. Can confirm.”

“ _ What _ ?” Everyone said.

“I will not explain myself any further,” Bee said.

“I don’t even eat breakfast! I wasn’t allowed to!”

“Well, you’re legally required to  _ now _ ,” she said. “I will  _ break in _ and make you eat it. Don’t test me.”

“You are  _ seriously _ implying you know Chat Noir’s civilian identity right now,” Rena said.

“It’s not  _ my  _ fault you lot didn’t get the vibes.” Bee sat back. “Anyways, eat breakfast or perish.”

“What? How? I’ve been, like, so discreet!” Chat protested. “Meet me out back and prove it!”

“No, we are not doing that at all, that’s a terrible idea,” Ladybug said.

“Actually, if I could just  _ tell _ you my name, it would make this a lot easier.”

“I’m sorry, but we  _ can’t _ ,” Ladybug said. “Hawkmoth is taken care of, but we don’t know what other threats will come to Paris looking for our miraculouses. It’s too dangerous.”

“I am going to lose my mind,” Chat said.

“You sure you had one to begin with?” said Queen Bee.

“Good question,” he said.

“Hey, I thought we said goodbye to jokes,” Rena said.

“I’m not joking,” Chat said.

“It’s actually impossible to do that for real,” Bee said. “Especially with this cat bastard.”

“I’ll have you know, my parents were married.”

“Are your parents okay? Are you okay?” asked Ladybug.

“No,” Chat and Bee said in unison.

“Well that’s concerning,” Rena said. “Feel like explaining what  _ that _ means?”

“You know, for a gang that’s trying to minimize secret identity knowledge…” Bee shrugged.

“Shut up, I’ve totally thought this through, how distinctive could it be?”

Chat looked at her, mouth pressed into a thin line. “You know,” he said. “You say that  _ now _ .”

“What does that even  _ mean _ ?” Carapace exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

“It means if I explain myself, you will probably know who I am, and also yell at me, which I am  _ not _ about,” Chat said.

“Are you that know-able? Like I don’t know everyone in Paris, how do you know I’d know you?”

“We don’t have time to discuss the concept of a parasocial relationship,” Chat said. “Can I go now? I’ve got people actually checking in on me now.”

“Hold the fuck up, what?”

Queen Bee lay back and looked up at the sky. “I wonder if there’s a kwami of being an absolute dumbass,” she said. “You’d be the perfect bearer, Noir.”

“I wouldn’t trade Plagg for dummy powers, even if I didn’t have to smell like cheese all the time.”

“Fair enough,” she said, standing back up. “Speaking of people who should head out, I need to get home soon. Chat, we’re discussing breakfast tomorrow. I’m mandating it. Don’t at me.”

“None of us are leaving until we get to the bottom of this!” Ladybug said. “This is like six times more confusing now.”

“We have school tomorrow, Bugberry,” Bee said. “If I fall asleep in class again, the teacher’s going to get sick of me.”

“Wh--  _ Bugberry _ ?”

Bee crossed her arms. “The more I think about it, the more obvious it is. I’ll give you a hint. It  _ rhymes _ .”

Ladybug choked on nothing as Queen Bee left, heading back home. 

“Okay, so she knows something and isn’t telling us,” said Rena.

“Are we still against sharing identities?” asked Chat. “I feel like that might solve some of our problems.”

“She has the brain cell and she’s taking it with her,” Carapace sighed.

“We’re never going to get it back,” Chat agreed.

“We do  _ not  _ have only one brain cell between the five of us,” Ladybug said.

“You’re just saying that because you’re used to having it,” Rena said.

“You’re always hogging it, and I’m just vibing out here, trying my best, with no smarts to my name!”

“You’re plenty smart!”

“Look me in the eyes,” Chat said. “Look me in the eyes and say that again, honestly, after this conversation we’ve had tonight.”

“You- You did blackmail a very nice boy for cheese.”

“Does that  _ sound _ like something a smart person would do? Let alone  _ admit _ to doing?”

“Actually, why _ did _ you admit to that? Like, Blackmail is  _ also _ a crime.”

“I panicked, okay?”

“I don’t think he’s  _ actually _ blackmailing Adrien, if that helps,” Carapace said. “I feel like I would have noticed if that guy was being blackmailed.”

“Oh,  _ would _ you have?” Chat turned to him.

“He’s- I can’t say how, but I would have definitely noticed, he’s  _ really _ bad at lying, dude. It’s painful.”

Rena nodded. “He’s almost as bad as  _ you _ are, Chat.”

“Hey! I’m perfectly good at lying! You all believed I had two loving parents for so much longer then I thought you would,”

“ _ Chaton _ ,” Ladybug said. “Are you, like,  _ safe _ ? At your house?”

“I do not presently live in a house.”

Everyone considered that for about five minutes.

“Would you like to?” Carapace asked.

“It’s all good, I’ve got it covered, and I’m sure at some point I’ll get an apartment or something.”

“Chat,” Rena said. “Chat Noir. Chat Noir, one of the first two and most important superheroes in Paris. Are you homeless?”

“Only for a little bit guys, this is a perfectly normal and temporary situation, and I am  _ not  _ homeless.”

“Sounds more like he’s in foster care, to me,” Carapace said.

“Chat, are you in the market for new parents?” Ladybug said. “Like, are you looking?”

“Not presently. Got a bit burned with the last three-ish parental figures I’ve had. Thanks for the offer though!”

Rena frowned. “That is not- I don’t- How am I meant to respond to that?”

“You aren’t. Night everyone!” Chat said as he went to leap off the rooftop

“Chaton--” Ladybug began, but he was already gone.

\---

Mme. Bustier’s class was quieter than usual. Adrien was distinctly not a fan of this, nor was he a fan of the wild amounts of tension in the room.

Alya was taking very intense notes on something Adrien couldn’t see, but which he was reasonably sure was  _ not _ what their teacher was talking about. She and Nino were passing papers to each other when they could get away with it, too.

Marinette wasn’t involved in whatever was going on with that, but she had a thoughtful look about her that usually meant she was going to get into some sort of trouble.

Chloe (who had tackled him that morning yelling  _ “You are going to eat something today, you cat bastard” _ and shoved a whole tart into his mouth) was watching them all with some sort of amusement. He knew she’d figured  _ him _ out, but he wasn’t sure why she was so interested in what everyone else was doing.

“So, Marinette, how are you doing?” he asked, poking Marinette’s shoulder.

“That’s a good question,” she said.

“Thanks.”

“I’ve been better, that’s for sure.”

“Can I help?”

“Not unless you know how to get a friend of mine to actually talk about his issues.”

“I can’t even talk about my  _ own _ issues,” Adrien said.

“I’ll come back to that after I’ve dealt with my other friend, don’t think you’ve escaped my loving wrath,” said Marinette.

“Uhh…”

Nino tossed another paper to Alya, who read it before looking at him and shaking her head.

“What’s up with them?” asked Adrien. “They’ve been doing that all day.”

She shrugged. “I’ve stopped trying to figure them out. They seem to be taking care of themselves just fine. Unlike, you know, some people.”

“Am I included in ‘some people’?”

“Yes.”

“Well shit. Now I’ve got everyone all worried. Would it make you feel better if I tell you Chloe made me eat breakfast this morning?”

Marinette looked at him for a  _ long _ moment. “She  _ had _ to?”

“Yes? Is eating breakfast a standard thing people do?”

“Yes? It is?”

“Oh.”

“Most people do that, Adrien. Most people eat breakfast. Do I have to break into jail and beat up your father?”

“No- Well you don’t  _ have _ to, although I wouldn’t turn you in if you did.”

“Good to know.”

“ _ Anyways _ , what have you been up to? I was thinking, since my father can’t say no anymore, we should have a game night! I even bought a Parcheesi!”

“A Parcheesi,” Marinette said. “Uh. Sure! That sounds fun. Alya, Nino, what do you think?”

“Hm?” Alya and Nino turned.

“Sorry, wasn’t eavesdropping,” Nino said. “What’s up?”

“Game night sometime?” Adrien said.

“Oh, yeah, that sounds awesome!”

“Heck yeah, game night is gonna be so cool!”

“Can I come?” Ivan leaned over.

Mylene nodded. “Me too?”

“Yeah! Oh, and bring snacks, or games. I only have Parcheesi right now.”

“I’ve also got Candyland,” Chloe said. “Can’t go wrong with Candyland. It’s the huge edition, too.”

“They’ve got a huge edition of Candyland?”

“They do and it’s  _ awesome _ and if you don’t love it I will question your tastes forever,” she said.

“I think I have Settlers of Catan somewhere,” said Marinette. “Although that might be a bit long for one game night.”

“Maybe, yeah,” Alya agreed.

“Anything else, Mariberry?” Chloe smirked.

Marinette looked at her suspiciously. “Clue,” she said finally.

“Since when did you give Marinette nicknames, Chloe?” asked Alya.

“Since I decided I’m too powerful and no one can stop me,” Chloe said.

“I- Okay.” Marinette said, head on her desk. “Whatever, I just live here.”

“We’re at school,” Nino said. “None of us live here.”

“It’s a metaphor, Nino.”

“Do you know what a metaphor is?”

“I know what a metaphor is, and I don’t think that’s it.”

“I will laugh in the face of God, for the sake of metaphors being whatever the fuck I want them to be.”

“Language is made up,” Alya said.

“I can’t believe you would side against me on this,” Nino said. “You traitor, you.”

“Am I wrong?”

“It’s a matter of principle, babe.”

“So,” Marinette said. “Game night. What works for everyone?”

“Not Wednesday, I’ve got, uh, an appointment that night.” said Adrien.

“Yeah, Wednesday doesn’t work for me either,” Alya said. “How’s Friday?”

“Mmm, I think I have to meet some other friends then, and if I dip, they’re gonna have my head.” Adrien replied. 

“You can’t invite them for game night?” Ivan asked.

“No,  _ absolutely _ not, that would be too much chaos for one building to handle. Plus, I don’t know how many of you would get along, there’s a lot of similar people. I’d hate to see someone with Marinette-level skills at Mecha Strike 3 team up with her to destroy all hope I have of ever winning a round.”

“I would personally love to see it,” Marinette said.

“I would not,” said Adrien. “I like having dignity.”

“When did you learn what that’s like?” Chloe asked, studying her fingernails.

“When I ate breakfast this morning.”

Chloe nodded, apparently satisfied.

“How does Saturday sound for everyone?” asked Nino.

“Saturday works,” Alya said.

“Yeah,” Ivan and Mylene said, nodding. “Should work.”

“It’s fine,” Chloe said.

“Good on my end,” Marinette agreed.

“Nice! I can’t wait to try all sorts of board games!” Adrien exclaimed.

\---

“Hey, I’m really sorry about this, but Mylene and I aren’t gonna be able to make it tonight. Some stuff came up with her grandma, and we’ve gotta go help out.”

“It’s alright, go take care of her, and stay safe, alright?”

“Of course. Bye Adrien.”

Adrien put his phone down, and broke the news to the rest of the assembled teens.

“Aw, man,” Nino said. “That’s rough.”

“Yeah. I hope everything turns out alright,” said Marinette.

Chloe pushed a few buttons on her phone. “I sent a care package,” she said. “Shall we game?”

“I- Wow. Uh, yeah sure, what are we playing?” asked Alya.

“I vote Huge Candyland,” Chloe said.

“Oooo, okay, what characters do you have?”

“Well,” she said, opening the box. “We’ve got Mr. Mint, Lady Lolly, Queen Frostine,  _ Princess _ Frostine, King Kandy, Lord Licorice, Sir Swirl, Dame Dollop…”

“Can I be Lady Lolly?” Marinette said.

“Why of course, my Lady,” blurted Adrien. He then took a moment to stare off into space, as he considered what he had just said.

Chloe sat for a moment. “Yeah, sure. Dibs on Queen Frostine.”

“Sir Swirl kinda looks like my father if you squint,” remarked Adrien. “I’ll be Dame Dollop, she’s pretty.”

“You aren’t wrong, dude. Should we get rid of Sir Swirl? Chloe, can we burn up Sir Swirl?”

“I’m not letting Donatello and the other Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have fire  _ inside _ my house.”

Alya looked at Nino, and then at Chloe. Marinette just sighed and put her head in her hands.

“Am I missing something?” asked Adrien.

“Adrien, I love you, but how are you  _ this oblivious _ ?” Chloe said.

“That’s not helpful,” Adrien said.

“Why’d you call out Donatello specifically?” Nino asked. “Personally, I’d say I’m more of a Leonardo type.”

“Okay, I don’t feel like explaining why I’ve kin-assigned you to that specific teenage meetle teetle, so we’re gonna move on.”

“I’m still confused,” said Adrien.

“Do we have to stop and explain kinning to Adrien, or can we play huge Candyland now?” Alya raised her hand.

“No, I got the kinning, I was just wondering abo-”

“Candyland time!” Marinette interrupted, slamming her hands down onto the board.

\---

“Okay, so new game night rule: There is no throwing of the other participants, even if they steal your swap spaces card,” Marinette said.

“But Nino did an illegal move! It’s not my fault-”

“New. Rule.”

“Fine,” Alya pouted.

“New game everyone?” asked Chloe.

“That sounds like a good idea,” said Adrien.

“How about Truth or Dare?” Chloe said. “I’ll know if you lie.”

“That is the most ominous thing that’s ever come out of your mouth, and we were worst enemies for like four and a half years,” Marinette said. “Let’s do it.”

“Marinette, I’m starting to question your decision making process,” Nino said, extracting himself from the pile of room-related, newly minted rubble he’d made on impact.

“I’m perfectly fine, Nino. Everything is perfectly in order up in  _ my _ brain.”

“Liar,” Chloe said. “You’re stressed out six ways to Sunday. I saw you take a bite of chalk yesterday.”

“How bout I start. Alya, Truth or Dare?” Marinette asked.

“Hmm… Dare!”

“Okay… I dare you to lick whatever is the most expensive thing in this room.”

“Chloe, I think I’ll need your help for this one.”

“That lampshade is 14 karat gold,” Chloe said. “Go nuts.”

“What the  _ fuck _ ,” Nino said.

“Why is your lampshade the most expensive thing here, to start,” Marinette said. “And then also why is it made out of  _ gold _ ?”

“Gold  _ alloy _ ,” Chloe said. “And it’s an import.”

“Rich people are something else,” Alya muttered, licking the lampshade. “Okay, my turn! Adrien! Truth or Dare!”

“Uh…” Adrien said. He didn’t want to lick anything. “Truth?”

“Have you ever been blackmailed?”

Adrien blinked at Alya. Alya blinked at Adrien.

“If I was, wouldn't I, like, not be allowed to tell you?”

“Answer the question, Agreste.”

“It’s Truth or Dare, you  _ have _ to tell us,” Nino agreed. “Have you ever been blackmailed? That’s your truth question.”

“Or he could do a dare,” Chloe said. “He could switch it.”

“No switches,” Marinette said. “Switches are the cowards way.”

Adrien scratched his neck. “I’m not a coward. So, I have to answer?”

“Yup,” Nino said.

“That’s the game,” Alya confirmed.

“Then, I guess the answer is yes?” Adrien said, preemptively leaning back.

“Who did this to you,” Marinette said.

“I think I already answered my question for this round! Chloe? Uh… the thing?”

“Truth,” Chloe said.

“What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever witnessed Jagged Stone doing?”

“Definitely sticking his head into Fang’s mouth to retrieve an umbrella,” Chloe said.

“I will never understand that man,” Marinette said.

“You and me both, Mariberry. Donatello, Truth or Dare?”

“Uh…” Nino considered that. “Dare?”

“Hm… I dare you… to stand on your head for a minute.”

“Easy,” Nino said, while preparing to flip himself. “Alright, my turn?”

“Yeah, but if you fall, we’re gonna have to circle back and decide a punishment or something,” Alya declared.

“Coolio. Alright, Adrien, Truth or Dare.”

“Me  _ again _ ?” Adrien looked around. “Marinette hasn’t gone yet.”

“I’m too powerful, I guess,” Marinette said. “You can pick me next, if it makes you feel better.”

“Alright…” Adrien said. He didn’t want to talk more about the whole fake blackmail situation. “Uh… dare?”

“I dare you to answer all my questions truthfully, for 15 whole minutes  _ after _ the game ends.”

“Is that allowed?” Adrien asked. “Like, can he do that? Can we  _ enforce _ that?”

“Thems the breaks, Adrikitty,” Chloe said.

“But if the game is  _ over _ ,” Adrien said. “The rules are null, yes?”

“Maybe in  _ normal _ Truth or Dare,” Chloe said. “But this is…  _ huge _ Truth or Dare.”

“Fuck, you’re right.”

“Alright Adrien, who ya asking?”

“Marinette, Truth or Dare?”

“Truth,” she said.

“What…. Uhhh… Do you, um, have a crush on anyone?”

“Yes,” she said. “Chloe, Truth or Dare?”

“Dare,” she said.

“Eat a whole plate of stinky cheese,” Marinette said. “Call one up and eat it. Right now. Camembert. Do it.”

Chloe tapped something out on her phone. “On it’s way. Should we wait?”

“Yeah, probably,” Nino said. “Has it been a minute yet?”

“I think so,” Alya said.

“Cool.” Nino dropped out of his head stand and hit the ground before setting himself back upright.

The cheese arrived shortly, and there was less of it than Marinette would have imagined.

“Wow, that’s it?”

“Well  _ someone _ has been ordering Camembert non-stop, so there’s not as much of it left in storage,” Chloe said, shooting a pointed look at Adrien.

“I refuse to explain myself,” Adrien said.

“Okay, that’s mildly concerning,” Alya said. “Now eat the cheese.”

Chloe shrugged, and started eating it, apparently unbothered.

“He refuses to explain himself,” Nino muttered. “For now.”

Adrien cursed under his breath.

“Okie dokie, my turn again. Alya, Truth or Dare?”

“Truth,” Alya said.

“Alya, are you a furry? Like, do you have an animal costume you dress up in? Do you do that?”

“I-”

“One question, Chloe, not three interlocked ones,” Nino said.

“Fine,” Chloe said, rolling her eyes. “Alya, do you dress up in an animal costume at any times?”

“Of a sort. So I guess technically that’s a yes?” Alya admitted.

“Alright,” Chloe said. “Your turn. Go nuts.”

“Adrien Agreste, Truth or Dare?”

“I’m being targeted,” Adrien said. “This is an interrogation. I’m gonna leave the game, don’t test me.”

“Not an interrogation, and it’s huge Truth or Dare, so I’m allowed to do this, right guys?”

Everyone but Adrien nodded in agreement.

“I can’t believe you guys,” Adrien said.

“It’s simply how it goes, now pick your poison.”

“Dare,” Adrien said, crossing his arms.

“I dare you to choose ‘truth’ next time.”

“Is that allowed?” Adrien looked around for support.

“It’s huge Truth or Dare, dude,” Nino said. “The only thing that  _ isn’t _ allowed is not doing the truth and or dare you get.”

“That’s fair, but also kinda fucked up,” Adrien said.

“Well, it’s your turn to pick,” Marinette said.

“Alright, Marinette,” Adrien said. “Choose a Truth or a Dare.”

“Hmm… truth,” Marinette said.

“Who’s your crush?”

“Please, everyone knows she likes Chat Noir,” Chloe said with a smirk.

“What?” Adrien asked, looking at Chloe.

“No we don’t,” Alya and Nino said.

“No we don’t?” Marinette agreed.

“I know that,” Chloe said, looking Adrien directly in the eyes.

Adrien glanced away. “What’s wrong with Chat Noir, Marinette?”

“Nothing’s  _ wrong _ with him,” Marinette said. “He’s just not my crush.”

“Really?” Chloe’s eyebrows raised. “Adrien, what do we think of this?”

“Why is my opinion on this relevant?”

“You and I both know why that is. Answer the question.”

“Not sure I like what you're implying there, Chloe” said Marinette.

“It’s not my turn,” Adrien said. “Marinette?”

“No. Alright my turn now, Nino Truth or Dare?”

“You didn’t technically answer the question,” Nino said.

“I answered  _ a _ question, so it counts. Moving on, Nino, pick a thing.”

“I will be keeping this loophole in mind,” Adrien said.

“Someone keep an eye on Agreste, he’s getting smarter,” Nino said. “I pick truth.”

“Marinette did it first!”

“What  _ was _ the impetus behind the noodle incident of my 7th birthday party?”

“It was simply necessary,” Nino said.

They looked at each other for a long moment.

“Yeah, that tracks,” Marinette said.

“Can someone elaborate for those of us who were not there?” asked Alya.

“Absolutely not,” Nino said. “Adrien.”

“Oh no.”

“Truth or Dare?”

“I have to pick truth, you know this. Just get it over with.”

“Who blackmailed you, dude?”

“Chat Noir,” Adrien mumbled.

“Liar,” Chloe said. “I’m ordering more stinky cheese, and  _ you’re _ gonna have to eat it.”

“Chloe, please. Please have mercy on me, a poor boy down on his luck. Chloe, my oldest friend, I beg of you, do not make me eat the cheese.”

Chloe sent the order in. “Consume, motherfucker.”

“Wait, so he was lying about that?” Marinette said angrily. 

“How do you even  _ know _ that?” Nino asked, turning to Chloe.

“It’s not my turn,” Chloe said. “Come on, Adrien, give us the truth before the cheese gets here and you won’t have to eat the whole plate.”

“I will not confess my sins.”

“Then perish.”

“Fine. So I shall. Marinette, please make me a beautiful funeral shroud.”

“I will play for your casket the sickest of beats,” Nino said.

“Wonderful. Alya, you must tell the people of Paris what fate has befallen me. They need to know why the Fragrance Ad boy has left them.”

“They will mourn the loss of their hero,” Chloe deadpanned. “I will be run from the city.”

“I’m  _ not _ their hero, I am the scourge of the Fragrance Ads and Billboards everywhere, and you know this.”

“Their warrior king of capitalism,” Chloe agreed.

The cheese arrived.

“Now eat up, warrior king. You choose this fate.”

Adrien gulped. There was a  _ lot _ of cheese on that plate. “I  _ swear _ this is more than you ordered for yourself.”

“You fools let me command the food, I will abuse my power without end.”

Marinette gave her a Look.

“With some end, at a point that has yet to be determined.” she amended.

Marinette nodded, before turning her attention back to Adrien, who was poking at the plate before him.

“Eat it,” Alya said. “So the rest of us don’t have to smell it anymore.”

“You order enough of it yourself,” Chloe said.

“Chloe, please. Please. You know why I do that.” Adrien pleaded.

“I do,” she said, grinning. “Which is exactly why I ordered it to punish you. Get chomping.”

Adrien began slowly eating the cheese.

“So,” Marinette said. “Do we want to push on this question, or say the cheese is enough?”

“The cheese is probably enough,” Chloe said.

“Aw, man!” Alya and Nino groaned.

“I’m still concerned about the whole blackmail thing, but if he doesn’t want to tell us…” Marinette shrugged. “Yeah, the cheese is probably enough.”

“You know it’ll be less pain in the long run if you finish that quickly,” Chloe said, poking at the plate with a pencil.

“Chloe, let me take my punishment in peace. It’ll get done.”

“Dude, since you didn’t answer that last question, I think it’s only fair I get to ask another one.”

“Such is the way of huge Truth or Dare,” Alya agreed.

“Okay, you four are  _ definitely _ making up the rules as we go along,” Adrien accused.

“A bold accusation,” Alya said. “Prove it!”

“Tell me  _ every _ rule of huge Truth or Dare, right now.”

“It’s not your turn,” Alya said. “You don’t get to have a question  _ answered _ .”

“I am going to commission a statue of Hawkmoth, and dedicate it to you.”

“I  _ dare _ you to try.”

“Not your turn!” Adrien exclaimed.

Chloe snorted. “Alright, Donatello. Mark two.”

“Adrien, dude, why do you order so much cheese that you, evidently, hate with a burning passion?”

“I need it to fuel the cheesey passion of the world’s tiniest destruction god.” Adrien deadpanned.

Alya glanced at Chloe.

“What?” Chloe asked her. “It’s true.”

“What the  _ fuck _ bro. Where did you-”

“Ah, not your turn anymore Nino! No more questions. Chloe, Truth or Dare!”

“Dare,” Chloe said.

“Hmm…”

“Tough choice?”

“Admit to your dad that you did the Ballroom Fundraiser prank of 2012.”

Chloe blanched.

“Yeah. Now. Do it.”

“That’s below the belt.”

“It’s huge Truth or Dare, Chloe.”

“We’ve corrupted him,” Alya breathed.

“Eh, it was going to happen eventually,” Nino said.

Chloe slowly took out her phone, and pulled up her dad’s contact. She pressed call, and motioned for the others in the room to be silent.

“Hi daddy. I, uh, had something I wanted to tell you. No, no, not that. Um, So do you remember the Fundraiser in the Ballroom a while ago?”

Chloe winced, and pulled the phone away from her ear.

“Yeah, that one. So, um, I did that? Alright, bye have a good night-” She hurried out, and hung up.

“So how’d it go?” Nino asked.

“This action will have consequences,” Chloe said. “Alya, Truth or Dare?”

“Truth.”

“What’s your animal costume based on? Like, what animal are you?”

“I was hoping you had forgotten about that one.”

“You thought wrong, my good bitch.”

“Uh, it’s a fox.”

“Fascinating,” Chloe said dully. “Anyways, your go.”

“Right,” Alya said. “Adrien.”

“I’d say I can’t believe this, but I’ve come to expect it by now.”

“Truth or Dare?”

“Dare.”

“Hm…” Alya said. “I dare you to… say only truthful statements for the rest of the game.”

“Fine, I guess,” Adrien said. “Marinette must now choose a Truth or a Dare.”

“Truth,” Marinette said.

“It is true that you like Chat Noir. Please answer with a yes or no statement.”

“Alya, I can’t believe you’ve done this to him,” Marinette said. “I… Chat Noir is all well and good. I’d be down to be buddies with him. But I do not have a crush on him, no.”

“Falsehoods abound here,” said Chloe, shaking her finger at Marinette. “You should know better than that. I will be ordering more cheese.”

“I  _ don’t _ !” Marinette protested.

“So, hypothetically, you did not tell him you loved him, and invite him to your house.” Adrien said, while glaring at Alya.

“I panicked,” Marinette said.

“Over  _ what _ ?” asked Alya. “How do you panic so bad, you do a love confession?”

“This isn’t about that,” Marinette said. “Chloe, Truth or Dare?”

“Truth, Maribug.”

“Do  _ you _ have a crush?”

Chloe considered that. Then she considered some more. “I dunno,” she decided. “Hey, Donatello--”

“You don’t know?” Alya asked.

“I don’t know,” Chloe said. “Anyways. Donatello, Truth or Dare?”

“I honestly don’t know which would be worse. Truth?”

“I’m not sure you’ve got any leg to stand on, saying that,” Adrien said.

“How far do the ninja turtle vibes go?” Chloe asked.

“It’s turtles all the way down.”

“Sweet.”

“Adrien, dude, Truth or Dare.”

“I am still here  _ only _ to suffer,” Adrien said. “Dare.”

“Dare you to answer all questions that we ask you for the duration of the game.”

“You people have made it your lifes’ missions to sicken me,” Adrien said.

“We’ve been going for a while now,” Marinette said. “Do we want to play something else?”

“Yes,” Adrien said.

“No,” Alya and Nino said.

“Nino’s after-game dare for Adrien still applies, so sure,” Chloe said. “Let’s take a break from games for a bit.”

“Cool. Game’s over then.”

“Finally!” Adrien said, flopping down.

“Great,” Nino said. “What the  _ fuck _ is your relationship to Chat Noir?”

Chloe whistled innocently, as if this hadn’t been her plan from the beginning.

“It is a complex relationship between he and I, one that spans millennia of heroes, and-”

“He’s Chat Noir,” Chloe said.

“What?” The entire room blurted out in unison.

“Chloe, what the fuck, I thought I could trust you!” Adrien shouted.

Chloe stood and clapped her hands twice. “Alright everyone! Get confessing before I do it for you! Let’s go!”

“I have nothing to confess!” Marinette said, before dashing towards the door.

“Sure thing, Bugberry,” Chloe called to her. “Nothing at all! Anyone else?”

“Wait.  _ Bugberry _ ?” Adrien said. “That’s what you called Ladybug last night. Do you know Ladybug, Marinette?”

There was a pause.

Chloe picked up her bag. “Well, I’m gonna go commit arson to release my pent up stress now. See you lot on the news.”

“Chloe, we need you for patrol tomorrow,” Adrien reminded. “It’s bad form to give your teammates more work to do, plus what will the press have to say about the union then?”

“Rena  _ is _ the press, we’ll be fine.”

“What the  _ fuck _ ?” Alya demanded.

“I  _ said _ y’all better get to it, didn’t I? Donnie, your turn next,  _ then  _ maybe Adrien will figure it out.”

“Awful,” Nino said. “How did we not figure this out earlier, anyways?”

“Because we have one brain cell between the five of us, and it’s busy trying to keep us alive,” Chloe said.

“Marinette, about Ladybug, does she have any food allergies? I wanted to bring her a cake and-”

“It’s also trying to help Adrien,” Chloe allowed. “It’s trying so, so hard.”

“Hey!”

Nino sighed. “Alright fine, Heyo, Carapace here,”

“Since when?!?!” Adrien exclaimed, head snapping back towards Nino.

“Since I got picked,” Nino said.

“Bro, really? Are  _ all _ my friends secretly superheroes?”

“Not  _ everyone _ in class has a miraculous,” Marinette said.

“How do you know, Mari?” Adrien asked, brows furrowed. “I know you were Multimouse, but you didn’t get a chance to do much, which is  _ totally _ unfair by the way, I keep asking Ladybug to let you help out and -”

“I can’t do that,” Marinette said. “ _ I’m _ Ladybug, and Alya has Trixx full time now.”

Adrien sat down on the floor, and held his head in his hands. “I’m an idiot. A no-brain cells McGee.”

“Happens to the best of us,” Chloe said. “I’d be embarrassed that  _ I _ only figured it out the other night, but considering I was still the first…”

“I knew everyone but Chat, to be fair,” Marinette said. “And I’m still processing this, so be ready whenever I collapse.”

“It’s like I said, by the way,” Chloe added, mostly to Alya and Nino. “We all knew Marinette has a crush on Chat Noir.”

“Wait, if Marinette likes Chat Noir, that means  _ Ladybug _ likes Chat Noir, who is me!”

“Yes,” Nino said.

“Nino, she  _ likes _ me.”

“Yes,” Alya said. “You’re officially the last person to know, again.”

“Be nice,” Nino muttered.

“Did people know?” Adrien turned to Marinette.

“I am… not subtle,” Marinette allowed.

It was around that point that Plagg rocketed out of Adrien’s inner shirt pocket, slamming into the side of Chloe’s head. “More cheese!” He demanded.

“Plagg, not now!”

“Yes now, I’ve finally been freed from my dumbass prison,” Plagg responded.

“You’re bullying me too?” Adrien sighed.

“It’s my job.” Plagg bumped into Chloe’s head again. “More cheese.”

“I told you they wouldn’t believe me!” Adrien said.

“Sucks to be you, then,” Plagg said.

“Plagg,” Tikki scolded, floating next to Marinette. “He tried his best.”

“He’s just lucky the only people here tonight were us,” Plagg said, chasing Chloe’s phone in an attempt to order the cheese himself. She kept moving it out of his reach.

Trixx popped out of Alya’s hair. “Does this mean we can have kwami sleepovers now, or is that still not gonna be allowed?”

“I think we can allow it now,” Alya said. “There’s nothing left to hide, really.”

And for the time being, there really wasn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> We're at it again! ha ha ha keyboard machine go brrrrrrrrrrrr
> 
> Title from "Thanks, Bastards!" by Mischief Brew


End file.
